i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Be still, my beating vagina.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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