Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
