gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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