Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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