YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
