this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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