Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
