apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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