I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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