FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You left your phone here
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