1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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