6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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