Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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