Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Less talking, more tequila
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
