My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I still have a little drunk in my system
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
FUCK WHALES
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