you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
