I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
They are going to name an STD after you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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