Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
