Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
