Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
