when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His hands were made for my vagina.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
