YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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