he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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