4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
if you like me you must not know who I am
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize