So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
