I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My cat gives me a boner
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
