all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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