he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
