I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
