My friends, they love my intelligence
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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