Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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