You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
