She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
