Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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