That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you never un-have a 4some
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
