it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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