just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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