those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize