I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
