I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didn't notice because vodka
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
