I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
