In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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