when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
In America we eat man semen.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
