What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
