You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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