I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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