there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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