thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
