when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
