so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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