They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We don't watch enough power rangers
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
