I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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