Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize