You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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