When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
