I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
