Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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