Don't you send me to vm
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
