I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
