I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
