escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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