i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
