my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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