I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The feeling are messing with the penis
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
