I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So many bounce houses so little time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
