Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize