Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
