she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's even glitter on my cock...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
