Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
