he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
